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A letter to my love

I am a supposed to be a daughter, soon to be wife and mother. I need to live for Me and I need to live for you too. Why must I have a double life? The world’s weight on my shoulders is heavy but you’re still adding more weight to it. Why must we fight? Is the fact that I’m strong willed bad? Does it make me hard headed? I thought it was a good trait; maybe I thought wrong.

I have had to watch our relationship grow worse by the day. We moved from being friends to total strangers. Don’t you think it pains me? The fact that we’re so broken that I forgot what it felt like to be normal. The thought of us never being the same again. The pain eats me from inside out and I can’t find an appropriate forum to air it. It breaks every little piece of hope that is in me. I don’t want to go on anymore.

I can laugh with a friend but not with you. Is it just me or you just don’t get me? We can’t seem to have a common ground. I love you. I hope you know that but my love I can’t also say yes to everything you want. And when I do this the moment I say no you’re on my neck screaming and shouting at the top of your voice about how I don’t value you and feel like I have made it in life. Sweet heart I try to impress you but you can’t see that. I want to be happy too and I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering how it would have felt like to play in sun. I want to play in the sun.

My love I wish you stop feeling attacked everytime I air an issue. I’m tired of hurting that’s why I’m speaking. I thought you would have applauded me for my good improvement for building up myself but instead you’re using it against me. And it hurts more because of all people I expected it from you were not even at the bottom of those lists as many as they are. I can’t live for you and for me one will fail miserably.

My love I would have wished for you to support me. You have had your share of happiness why can’t I have my own. Advice me but don’t deny what I wish to try. They say only a fool learns from experience but you can’t break a butterfly’s coucun with the aim of helping it fly. They’re some parts we have to face on our own. I hope you don’t feel like I think I know a lot when I don’t have experience. Try to understand me be happy for me lemme fall a little after you let go of my hand that’s how I’ll learn how to walk.

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