life

Unknown pain

It’s been a while but I’m here now. So today as I sat next to someone close to me, watching them at their weakest point, it got me thinking. I’ve been struggling with baggage of my own for a couple of months and this baggage is pain. Where did it come from no one knows not even me. I had no idea I carried so much pain in me; I didn’t even know it existed and then boom! there it is. Well, now I have come to terms with the fact that it exists but what triggered it? No answer yet.

I remember sitting on my bed last Christmas morning and realized it was just me and my mum in the whole house when we used to have the little bundle of joys in our family running all around the house making everyone scream their names because they were just so excited and happy that they could not contain it and sit still. Now the only noise I could here was that of silence and I felt all alone. What made it worse was that the neighbours around were a complete family. I remember my mum telling me not to be so sad and cheer up so I did just that not really because I was happy but because i was supposed to be. I cooked food not for two, for many, secretly hoping someone would show up but no one did. So I just ate, showered and dressed up but sat on my bed. my mum forced me to go somewhere,anywhere, maybe hangout with friends and I agreed but as soon as she left I went back to my bed.

Well what’s the point of all this? Story time? No. I didn’t realize this incident would have such a huge impact on me but it did, not because they didn’t show up, because we were divided and we had arguments. Every time I though we had taken one step ahead we moved ten steps behind. Yes, the fact that we can’t seem to not argue triggered everything because I simply couldn’t stop thinking about it. It’s just a wound that never heals because it’s always scarring. I’ve had quite a rough year but I want to change that I want to make it better or rather end it better.

There always people who are there for you no matter how much you change or how much you push them away and we tend to neglect them. Well I am guilty and though hard to admit, it’s only fair to do it and appreciate their existence in our lives. They cross oceans to be their for us but we just don’t see it because we are engrossed in our own sorrows. Just thank someone who made your life bearable when you though you will never see light again or you will never rise from where you’ve fallen because they deserve it and much better. Let’s try as much as possible to look at other people and not just ourselves. Let’s not wait for it to dawn on us that someone else was suffering as much as we were and we did absolutely nothing but all think about ourselves. That feeling sucks.

Find out what your trigger is and address it. Let’s enjoy the journey of self discovery.

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