life · moments

Backspace won’t work

We’ve all know the song how far I’ll go by Alessia Cara but have we really listened to it? It carries such a huge message.

I’ve been staring at the edge of the water long as I can remember never really knowing why. I wish I could be the perfect daughter but I come back to the water no matter how hard I try. Every turn I take every path I make every road leads back to the place where I know that I cannot go but I long to be.

… I’ll be satisfied if I play along but the voice inside sings a different song…

So what’s your water? We almost always find ourselves doing the one thing that everyone else says it should not be done. We just can’t stay away from it; it’s like an addiction. You try staying away from it for a few days maybe weeks and then we fall back into the same hole. Is it a person? Is something? is it an addiction?

You put in all your effort but it just won’t budge; it just sits there looking at you as if telling you when you’re done pretending you can beat me let me know. You just can’t let it go. All you try to do is tell people how it can’t be beaten but they force you to see otherwise or tell you it will pass. It’s just like how the is no upgrade for a message app or SIM toolkit.

Yes you just can’t change it to a different version well that’s what it feels like; it’s like longing for a drop of water after not drinking water for a day. It feels like denying what your whole being longs for. It’s pretty hard but looks pretty easy to someone who hasn’t the slightest idea of what it’s all about. It’s feels like a hole in the chest that can’t be filled even with whatever you love doing most. It sucks the life from inside out and leaves a walking form of a human being.

Well quite an intense message to someone. I’m an addict not certainly drugs but other little things so I’ll still use that name. We are encouraged to break habits and we are all told they are breakable. I am a believer of that but we all know we can’t or won’t do it unless we want to and in this case I don’t think she(Alessia Cara), you or want to. And that thing right there is our water. I believe in change; I don’t always welcome it. Life is a paradox but so are we.

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