life

perfect paintings

this is long overdue but it’s here now. so people think not speaking up is cowardice but speaking up isn’t bravery either. it has a tendency of taking you somewhere you’ve been trying so hard to get up from. it takes you back to the place where all power was taken from you; where you felt the most helpless and vulnerable but it’s hard for someone else to get that because we always believe a problem shared is a problem half solved but what about those that can’t be thought of? how do we share them? i know for sure we have different ways of coping with them and i believe not talking about them is one of them because lets face it how do you utter something that gives you chills? something that makes tears sting just by the thought of it? something that chokes you and restricts air flow? how do you say it?

we’ve all been at the point where we’re standing in sinking sand but we can’t even scream for help because we are so exhausted from the struggle, the battle within ourselves of what we know and the reality of how things are at the moment that we just watch it all go down because we’re told if it’s not better then that’s not the end but when will this better come? will it ever? does it have a time frame? or should we just create space for whatever it is thats happening in our lives? is that what being okay is all about? Do you know what being okay is all about? is it the heavy make up i apply in the morning after a night of crying myself to sleep? is it the large smile that i plaster on my face when all want to do is breakdown? or is it the humor i hide behind when all i’m screaming inside is: i want to talk to someone but i’m not sure i can do it. what is this thing really?

this is the world where you and i live in. where being okay means i’m really fine but it also means i’m breaking down, help! which makes me wonder how well do you know you’re people. are you just a i’ll lay on the shore and enjoy the waves from here; the water looks too deep/ the waves looks strong i’d rather not go in or are you a let’s see how rough the waves will get in the sea type of friend? can you tell if there’s something wrong with your friend? i know for sure that i don’t want to be a bother to someone and people have also gotten too good at painting the perfect picture that it requires keenness to spot the difference. with every man up; men don’t cry; you’re too emotional, the strokes of paint on the canvas became perfect.

we can’t blame the artist for sure but we can look at what kind of friends we are; we can let people cope in the best way they are able to maybe then we wil stop creating perfect artist and we can learn to appreciate the messy honest paintings we get from them because then is when we’ll see who someone really is.

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